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Writ_Rev by slashaholic-666

Written Things by colleenxcatalina


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Submitted on
November 5, 2009
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I look at all the lonely people,
And what do I see?
I see the loner sitting in the corner.
I see the stoner passed out on the floor.
I see the person contemplating suicide with a gun to his head.
I see the nice guy who was waiting for his friend through the cold harsh night.
Freezing himself to death on the bench cold and tired.
What I see are the people who need to be with somebody.
But aren't because they can't.
People don't want them.
People don't listen to them.
People use them.
I look at all the lonely people.
And I see you and me.
Just some words on the paper. it isnt about any one so please no freaking out ^^ Thank you.

:iconthewrittenrevolution:
Hey guys. this is a poem i wrote because i remembered the loneliness i felt before i got my girl. Also i was listening to the song "The Bird and The Worm" by The Used. I want to know what you think of the tone, is it too dark or is it too light for this loneliness, and then the sudden change in the last line of the poem, is that too sudden, and just normal you know "I liked this" or "You could have done this" is welcome too.
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:iconbloodonmyhands25:
Bloodonmyhands25 Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2011  Hobbyist Artist
Amazing.
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:iconaionthesinner1:
aionthesinner1 Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you very much :)
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:iconhtblack:
HtBlack Featured By Owner Jan 1, 2010
:iconthewrittenrevolution:

I would substitute some full stops here and there with commas, but apart from that I like the idea inside the poem, and how you wrote it. :)
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:iconaionthesinner1:
aionthesinner1 Featured By Owner Jan 1, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
Why thank you ^u^ i always love input
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:iconhtblack:
HtBlack Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2010
I'm glad to hear that. :)
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:iconaionthesinner1:
aionthesinner1 Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
:D i cant wait. Oh i have a question, you are higher up in Written Revolution right?
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:iconhtblack:
HtBlack Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2010
:giggle: I'm one of the admins, lol, yes. Do you need anything?
Reply
:iconaionthesinner1:
aionthesinner1 Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
I was wondering, i have a story on my dA that is in parts, i only want to submit the first part, as there are links to the other parts, so if people want to read on they can if they dont, they dont, but is that ok?
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:iconhtblack:
HtBlack Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2010
I'm sorry about that, but we don't accept submissions of chapters of novels, even if that's the first. :(
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:iconaionthesinner1:
aionthesinner1 Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
Even if i dont submit the rest of the story?
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